BEATRICE - I’m a smart independent woman who doesn't need a man. Everyone is always telling me to settle down and get married: My father, my uncle, my cousin, my hairdresser, my mailman, my pen pal, the plumber. I think they should all mind their own business.
“I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.”
BENEDICK - I’m a smart independent man who doesn’t need a woman. Everyone is always getting married and I’m just saying, that’s silly. Being a bachelor is the BEST. I get to have battles of wit with Beatrice all the time and then I can just walk away.
“But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.”
CLAUDIO - I was a hardcore soldier in the war, and now that I’m back I’m a hardcore romantic. Hero is the coolest girl in the world and I’m going to marry her!
“In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on.”
HERO - Hey! You seem like a nice person. How are you doing? ...Oh, me? I’m doing great. Thank you so much for asking. I’ve got my best friend Beatrice and my new fiance Claudio--what else does a girl need?
“I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a good husband.”
LEONATO - Life is good! I’m super successful. The prince loves me. Everyone wants to marry my daughter Hero. And I suppose many people want to marry my niece, Beatrice. At least before they, ya know...talk to her. That’s a different story. If only I could find her a husband...
“Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.”
DON PEDRO - I’m the nosiest matchmaker on the planet. Oh, and the prince of the country. Yeah. I’m a pretty big deal but I’m casual about it, because I really just want to spend all my time fixing people up with their one true loves. Speaking of which. Do you want me to fix you up? Because I could just see you walking down that aisle…
“Cupid is no longer an archer: his glory shall be ours, for we are the only love-gods.”
DON JOHN - Leave me alone. You’re still here? Go away! Look, if you must know, Don Pedro is my half brother. I say “half brother” because he and everyone else is always reminding me about the “half” part. What a jerk. You too. Jerk. You’re all jerks. I’ll make all of you PAY!
“Though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain.”
DOGBERRY - I’m the sheriff around here and I am pleased to make your inquaintance. You see any auspicious characters around, you come to me. I’ll take care of ‘em. It’s my job to keep the prince’s peace and I take that job very seriously. I AM THE LAW.
“We are the poor duke's officers; but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.”
VERGES - I have been a watchman in the prince’s service for nearly fifty years. I have seen much action in my time and foiled many sinister plots. Robberies. Imposters. Attempts against the good prince’s life. I have seen it all...everything I….In my day….the watch... *SNORES*
“I thank God I am as honest as any man living that is an old man and no honester than I.”
WATCH - I am the law! I am the law! No, Sheriff Dogberry is the law, but I'm new at this, and I don't really know what I'm doing, but I am the law too! Maybe! Cool! I'm going to catch some bad guys!CONRADE - I’d do anything for Don John. No, literally, anything. Give him my ice cream cone? Yup. Plot to destroy everyone else’s happiness? Sure! Plus, I’m a big fan of destroying others’ happiness, so that would be a big plus.
“I can cross it. Not honestly, my lord; but so covertly that no dishonesty shall appear in me.”
MARGARET - Wedding? Did somebody say wedding? I’m so excited for Hero’s wedding. And I am totally going to pick out the dress! And also gossip? Did somebody say gossip? Because I have all the hottest tips.
“Your gown's a most rare fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan's gown that they praise so. By my troth, 's but a night-gown in respect of yours.”
FRIAR - Look, all I’m doing is trying to keep everyone sane and righteous around here. You think that’s easy? So maybe I watch a lot of soap operas in my spare time and come up with a melodramatic she’s-not-really-dead plan. So what? I’m just doing my job.
“Pause awhile, and let my counsel sway you in this case.”
No comments:
Post a Comment